Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luke are at a Chinese restausant. Luke is having problems using the chopsticks. Ben says 'Use the Forks, Luke'!

What did the alien say to the gardener? Take me to your weeder!

How many McKays does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 1 (if it's Rodney), but he'll need at least 3 people to yell at while he's doing it.

How many Jaffa does it take to change a light bulb? Seven: five to worship it as a god of light; one to point out that if it WAS a god of light, it's now a dead, false god; and one to go against convention and change the lightbulb himself.

How many Goa'uld does it take to change a light bulb? Two: one to order the Jaffa to change it for them and another to execute the Jaffa after the job's done.

How many Tok'ra does it take to change a light bulb? One: he'll call the Tau'ri to have them change the light bulb, but won't tell them what they're there to do until they get there.

How many Asgard does it take to change a light bulb? Two: one to beam it out of the socket, and another to clone the old bulb so the first can beam the new copy into place.

How many Ancients does it take to change a light bulb? None: no respectable Ancient would interfere in the affairs of mortals.

How many Priors does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it must be the will of the Ori that it be changed.

How many Ori does it take to change a light bulb? One, so long as the Tau'ri can figure out a way to build a quantum light bulb that the little glowy bugger can't get out of easily

Star Wars Did you hear what happened to the spoon? No,what? It became one with the forks!

Star Wars What's the name of the nastiest alligator in the universe? Darth Gator!

Reasons why Star Wars is better than Titanic:

Titanic may be big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.

Star Wars has WAY better action figure potential.

Yoda could use the Force to just lift Titanic out of the water.

Leia is a princess, a senator, a diplomat, a freedom fighter, a brilliant strategist, and Jedi material; Rose is just cute marriage bait.

Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.

When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge couldn't say "WOW! Look at the size of that thing!" with any sincerity.

It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by an evil madman with a lightsaber as opposed to an idiot with a handgun.

a. Titanic is egalitarian in that it portrays poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to the rank of Admiral.
b. Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.

We know Cal is the bad guy because he greases his toupee, sneers at the poor, and treats his fiance like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he wears an ominous, voluminous black cape and mysterious mask, strangles people with a glance and blows up entire planets for sport.

Yeah, okay, so Leo can dance...but can he fly an X-wing?

People have never lost their lives trying to recreate scenes from Star Wars on the bow of a cruise liner.

Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.

Two words: Harrison Ford

There are always more than enough escape pods in Star Wars.

Do you have any idea what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world"?

If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would either . . . A: Cut himself free with his lightsaber; B: Use the Force to get the key; or C: Han Solo would come in at the last second and blast the cuffs off.

"I'd rather be his whore than your wife" just doesn't have the same sting as "I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie."

We all knew the boat was gonna sink, but who was ready for "No. . . I am your father"?

Han Solo would've missed that dang iceberg!

Han, though frozen solid in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament, returns in excellent health to mount a successful mission against the Empire on Endor, crushing the enemy and single-handedly paving the way for a brilliant air campaign which results in the destruction of the Empire's second attempt at a Death Star, AND claims the heart of his woman with whom he will live happily ever after. Jack, on the other hand, simply freezes.

Hope you LAWLed your way to a less moody day.